I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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