Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
