I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
