I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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