When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
