No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
