You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
