I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
