What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
