sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Barsexuality is the new black.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
