Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
