I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
