i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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