Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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