Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
