i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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