Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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