dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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