Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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