im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize