I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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