So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
