Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I intend to get homeless drunk
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
