I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
