He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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