I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
