So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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