I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is it penis luge time yet?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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