so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize