I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize