It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
