then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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