ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize