I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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