guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
