two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
