hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
