you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
