I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
