I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize