Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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