can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
