she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
do herpes really smell.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize