What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
