One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
