If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize