Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What changed your mind?
Being sober
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
