I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
