i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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