He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
