I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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