All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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