billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
