Me too!
My cat gives me a boner
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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