So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
