im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
