I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
