Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
