Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
