we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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