just come out here and I will go home with you...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
