Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I met the friendliest cop last night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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