Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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